Musings of a mind.

My jar of pickles.

G. T. E. — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 17:24:51 +0000

Katie, Shauna, Elisabeth, Sam, Annabel, Scary Mary, Al, Ceyton, Jess S, Michelle B, Kathleen, Sam R, Sharon, Brandon, Sophie and the rest marched in to second guess what they thought they saw before: an old man, two dogs and a horse.

Anxieties

G. T. E. — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 00:54:42 +0000

The street was still, there was no breeze; only puddles from recent rain and an imagined smell of petrol fumes. The parked cars remained silent as corpses in a morgue and the sky was a shadow reflected. A lone cat traversed a wall in the distance, danced briefly, then skulked away into darkness. Stillness once more. I remember your expression, one of expectation and slight remorse. Then as we waited for something a puddle across the way burst into action, and from the flat, oily rainbow surface an upward explosion of dirty water lept toward the sky; though as gravity pulled the water back down, what was left in its place was the form of a small girl with sallow features and a torn Alice In Wonderland costume. Our expressions did not change, though this most impossible of events happened just a few feet away, we were not suprised; something inside me expected it. On her face she wore a frown, though any tears were indistinguishable from the waters which had issued her. Her mouth grimaced to reveal a set of sharp teeth and her face contorted in a red hatred; in this moment her feet began to step in an almost robotic fashion towards us, slowly at first then quicker. I started to run and shouted for you to do so, but you were seemingly hypnotised. You stood there as still as any of the cars or puddles; your fixation on her was reflected in your dormant gaze and you were resigned to her as the one to deliver your fate. Maybe we knew at the beginning she was Death in an unfamiliar guise…not that you were contemplating that as your throat was ripped out by those sharp pearly whites before you could muster a scream. I saw the scream in your eyes as you jumped back to life when it was too late; your gaze locked with mine and I felt so cold and alone.

I had a dream…

G. T. E. — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 17:58:59 +0000

I had a dream I owned an antique bicycle repair shop in Ireland. The wind down the chimney blew out the candles to end each night. The slow creak and smell of oil, the emerald glow through the glass. The golden brass. Not a sound in sight for miles around; only stars, a few raindrops and a cloud. The black on blue and green, the moon glinting over fields and grinning with a knowingness from witnessing the history of us and everything else before. A flicker and howl from a dry-stone wall; some indeterminate beast. The sea on the breeze over the acres of land that span before me. We are positioned on the apex of a convex mound, not a hill or mountain. A simple, stone building with slate and a country lane seldom used by much more than passing trade. More of a museum than a shop. A collection of pride. A hobby. My heart.

Sid

G. T. E. — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 12:11:41 +0000

Hello Sid,
how are things where you are?
was it worth the trip?
it took a long time
a painfully long time

You were a skeleton one time I saw you
the next a sprightly child
I was so surprised
otherwise I might have cried
can’t imagine how it felt inside
was it running through your mind for all that time?

I’m not sure I would have been as strong
you kept your smile and your dignity
they all turned up to see you
it was the first time in years we all shared the same air
and we waved to you in our minds

no one deserves those cards in your hand
I hope I never understand it the same as you
the last of you are probably the strongest
and in a way the most important
they teach me to have hope and never give up

you live through them, they are the part you left behind
their lives continue and the world still goes round
with you on the beach and the strings and the band
I carry you in me and hear your voice on the wind in my mind

Broken Bottles

G. T. E. — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 16:56:53 +0000

She is bad for my health and I told her so
she has me walking on broken bottles backwards just for show
my eyes are red, I can barely see
the misty murk surrounds her and it envelopes me

I haven’t left my bed all day
been crying in the sheets
cats and clothes and curtains drawn
silk dressing gowns and plastic bags

She has me wondering which way to turn
lighting the fuse to watch me burn
a thousand kisses, a week to the day
seven days to the end, living a deathwish and a game

They think everything is fine
just a couple of lovers with a kindled flame
its just words on a screen and I’m screaming her name

You’re right, I don’t love you
though I will never tell you so
we will travel under darkness
with our secrets buried in the sterile snow

Away…

G. T. E. — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 23:35:09 +0000

wow, half a year I have been away. Life took hold and I forgot about writing. Maybe I should come back to this as the years get more and more stressful. This past 6 months have been good and bad. I don’t want to talk about the stressful things. It will all be fine in the end.
Hopefully I can get back on this and make a fresh start.
So…welcome back!

Winter Away

G. T. E. — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 16:16:22 +0000

I shall be blogging less over Christmas due to lack of internet access. I will be back in the New Year to upload my holiday musings and poetry…
Merry Christmas, see you in 2010!

To Sleep Perchance

G. T. E. — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 22:12:59 +0000

Setting: The night. Old oak paneled walls, a victorian house in the winter.

The warmth is a comfort
a radiant bliss
embers sparkle magic
as they leave me now

I always remember this
how the air feels
fire is my friend
we say farewell

In the darkness
I can sit and listen
the muffled cracks
of expansion
the pops

The day is fleeting
and will never exist again
a mere twenty-four
but it encompasses all

These eyes are weary
I step into the frost
familiar bitter sting
the ground is diamonds

This may seem
such a fool’s endeavour
it is I confess
and one thing I should do less

In this garden
I am Pan
the sky is bright
crystal

I choose a spot
the lawn is damp
I am numb
it is time

I make my peace
and say bye to the world
but final words pass my lips

To sleep perchance
now I know
life is a kiss.

Hearts and Heads

G. T. E. — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 22:00:40 +0000

I had no idea
nothing about anything
completely blind
with cold hands for holding

The bad circulation
makes it hard for much
more than holding cups
nevermind hearts and heads

Open my eyes please
I wish I could truly see
you
I want to see
truly

This is a ball and chain
in the form of a millstone
this mighty burden
give me your pity
you people with no idea

I want to touch the sun
I want to hear the Earth
I want to be able
be able to run

Nothing ever goes to plan
such is this world.

Rain.

G. T. E. — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:52:08 +0000

Made puddles in my shoes.
This is the day I give up walking.
A sign of the times. Rain. This is the future.
A neverendingrainoftimecascadinguponusfortheforseeablefuture.
Never going to stop drip drop drip-
I want to see a ray of hope I really do
but this raintimejustkeepsongoinglikearunawaytrain
I can’t get off, I can only complain and wait and want and need
some sunshine.